Global Satire News Service, July 30, 2026
Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche today announced that the 9,200 attorneys he oversees to enforce federal law and prosecute wrongdoers would merge effective immediately with Customs and Border Patrol to be reorganized as the Department of Just ICE.
As the Department of Defense was re-christened the Department of War, the former federal Department of Justice will now focus its energy on identifying and persecuting threats to the President’s priorities, which include self-enrichment and insulting the looks of female journalists.
“Just ICE” describes our core mission,” according to Blanche. “Commies, Democrats, immigrants, women seeking abortions, perverts, George Soros, Canadians and other insurgents inside and outside our borders will feel the full wrath of Khan”
Democratic Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer responded forcefully, saying the proposed changes needed further study before Congressional approval was warranted.
The Oval Office posted on Truth Social applauding the move, but suggesting the new cabinet level position and name change be altered to The Donald J. Trump Department of Just ICE. A banner is being readied for installation on the former DOJ headquarters.
